Sephhy 'n Selphie
by Freddy the Magical Elf
Summary: Sephiroth and Selphie-together at last!


Okay, you KNEW it would happen. Seeing as Selphie and Sephiroth are   
two of my favorite video game characters ever (YES, I like charas from   
the good old games, too!)...welll...gotta hook 'em up! This fic is in   
script format rather than prose, because prose ain't too fun. PLEASE   
don't ask me why Sephhy-sama and Selphie-hime are on a train together.   
This is just a stupid fic. (Man, if this ever gets MSTed, will they   
ever tear me apart for THAT line...speaking of which, I put up a couple   
of MSTings and an original parody RPG script here on fanfiction.net,   
too! Check 'em out!)  
  
This fic is dedicated to Akira-chan, for actually giving me the idea,   
and Rping it a bit with me ^_^;; Anyone who wants to see the original   
RP between us, visit Akira's page: http://www.shatteredreality.net  
(FYI: Akira and I did another RP about Vincent and Cloud that's on   
here as well. Look for it! It's GOOOOOD!)  
  
Of course, you HAVE to visit MY page-   
http://www.geocities.com/callietheinsaneprettysoldier  
  
Enjoyez-you!  
  
**************************************************************  
  
(Sephiroth and Selphie are sitting on a train. Selphie is humming and   
blowing huge bubbles with her cotton-candy-flavored gum. Sephiroth is   
looking impassively out the train window at the night.)  
  
SEPHIROTH: Soon, this world shall crumple under the leadership of the   
mighty Jenova...  
  
SELPHIE: (cracking her gum) Jenova? I hate those damn Jenova's   
Witnesses! Always coming up to the door of my dorm room and asking if   
I've been saved! DAMMIT! (She stands up and starts waving her nunchucks   
around, shouting and shaking her fist.) I'LL TELL YA WHEN I'VE BEEN   
SAVED, YA FREAKS!  
  
SEPHIROTH: ...Someone's forgotten their medication...  
  
SELPHIE: Tee hee! (She smiles cutely)  
  
SEPHIROTH: Anyways, Miss...?  
  
SELPHIE: SELLLPHHHIIIIIEEEEE!  
  
SEPHIROTH: --Selphie. I believe you're referring to JeHOva's Witnesses.   
Jenova is an all-powerful space being.  
  
SELPHIE: Cool!  
  
SEPHIROTH: (excitedly) See? She's my mommy! (He takes a thick black   
vinyl wallet out of his back pocket and unfolds a long roll of pictures.  
In all of them, Sephiroth is grim-faced and holding some kind of body   
part belonging to his "mommy".) Look! There's us in front of the   
Haunted Mansion at Disneyworld! They wouldn't let me leave; they kept   
muttering something about "damn malfunctioned animatronics"...so I   
killed them! Oh, and look, there we are sharing a soda at a cute   
little fifties diner! I had to burn it down, though, 'cuz I forgot to   
bring credit cards to pay with. HEY! Here we are when we both worked   
at Hot Topic! Oh, and-  
  
SELPHIE: Dude, that's a head.  
  
SEPHIROTH: (pointing to the corresponding pictures) Yup, and a foot,   
and an eyebrow, and a pancreas.  
  
SELPHIE: EEEEEEWWWWW!  
  
SEPHIROTH: Hey now, girlfriend! Don't you go insultin' my momma!  
  
SELPHIE: (slapping her thighs and waving her hands around) Don't   
juuuuuddddgggge me! You don't knoooowwww me! It's AAAALLLLL gooooood!  
  
SEPHIROTH: (doing that wavy hand thingy) Say it to mah face! Say it to   
mah face!  
  
SELPHIE: Shouldn't it be, like, ''Get outta mah face!" or something?  
  
SEPHIROTH: (considers) Shut up, or I'll burn your village down!  
  
SELPHIE: Hey! You're mean!   
  
SEPHIROTH: I AM?  
  
SELPHIE: (sulky) Hmpph. YES!  
  
SEPHIROTH: (teary-eyed) Ohhh...ohhh, Miss Selphie...  
  
SELPHIE: Call me Selphie. What's your name?  
  
SEPHIROTH: Sephiroth.  
  
SELPHIE: Russian?  
  
SEPHIROTH: Hebrew.  
  
SELPHIE: Funny, you don't LOOK Jewish...  
  
SEPHIROTH: Just don't call me Princess.  
  
(They are both silent for a moment. Selphie takes a few issues of   
SailorMoon manga out of HER pocket and starts reading them.)  
  
SEPHIROTH; Hey! I LOVE SAILORMOON!  
  
SELPHIE: Really?! Who's your favorite Senshi?  
  
SEPHIROTH: Saturn! She's so cool!  
  
SELPHIE: Really? I've always been a Venus fan, myself...  
  
SEPHIROTH: (Getting on his knees and taking Selphie's hands) You are   
lovelier than that very goddess of love and beauty herself,   
beautiful Selphie.  
  
SELPHIE: (blushing, putting one hand up to her cheek, and batting her   
eyes) Sephiroth darling!   
  
SEPHIROTH: Oh Selphie, how FOND I've grown of you!  
  
SELPHIE: SEPH DARLING!  
  
SEPHIROTH: SELPHIE LOVE!  
  
(They peck each other on both cheeks quickly, keeping their pinkies   
curled.)  
  
(Squall walks up.)  
  
SQUALL: ...  
  
SELPHIE: Hey, Squall!  
  
SQUALL: ...what?  
  
SELPHIE: Um...hi...  
  
SQUALL: Whatever.  
  
SEPHIROTH: I don't like you.  
  
SQUALL: ...whatever...  
  
SEPHIROTH: (standing up and turning menacingly at a dispassionate   
Squall.) What's your PROBLEM?  
  
SQUALL: ...  
  
SEPHIROTH; ANSWER me, you jerk!  
  
SQUALL: ...whatever...  
  
SEPHIROTH: Grrrr...  
  
SQUALL: ...  
  
(Selphie suddenly leaps up and pulls Sephiroth down to her mouth level.   
She begins whispering something into the tall man's ear. Sephiroth   
grins with glee and straightens up, turning back to Squall.)  
  
SEPHIROTH: (sweetly) I guess you're not gonna talk to me, are you,   
Squall?  
  
(Squall looks to the left.)  
  
SEPHIROTH: Are you suuuuure?  
  
(Squall glares.)  
  
SEPHIROTH: You won't say one little ol' thing?  
  
SQUALL: ...  
  
SEPHIROTH: (winking at Selphie) What sound does a piggy make, Squall?  
  
SQUALL: Oink...HEY!  
  
SEPHIROTH; And what sound does a cow make, Squall?  
  
SQUALL: (choking) Moo, damn you...  
  
SEPHIROTH: And what sound does a BUNNY make, Squall?  
  
(Squall's head explodes)  
  
SELPHIE: Hey! No brains!  
  
SEPHIROTH: (taking her hand) There's nothing I love more than the   
sight of someone's skull exploding like a ripe pumpkin, and no one   
I'd rather see it with than you, my love.  
  
SELPHIE: **sigh** Oh, Sephiroth...  
  
THE END  



End file.
